Vindicated?

"Vindicated"

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

==============================

not quite...

something to think about..

What if you're standing between two telephone booths and you really need to use one? You can only choose one. The one on the left is functioning well, but someone's inside... The one on the right is empty, but you're not sure if it's broken. Are you going to wait for the one on the left even if you're not sure when the person inside would leave? Or would you rather take the chance offered by the right booth even if you're not certain it would work?

Just like a damn thing called love... You decide...

Unspoken words...

As much as I wanted to not blog about this issue, I just found the need to… not because I want to use this site as a sort of “explanation page” or “my side of the story page”, but mainly because somehow I treat this blog as my confidant – someone who will just be there and listen… and not threw all sorts of questions at me.

Just like what I told a friend, “I am not trying to shield myself from all the blame they want to put on me…but at least what I want is a fair trial.”

So here it goes.

The main reason why people point their fingers at me is because I didn’t tell the CB about it. Yes, it’s true. Why? Here are the answers.

1. After the meeting with the presidents and even before the cluster meeting and even before the next CB meeting, I was told about the room preference of an org. Yes, that’s true. I received a text about the room preference and also the preference of not sharing a room with another org.

2. During the cluster meeting, NO ONE, not even a single president voiced out his/her room preference during that meeting. The CLUSTER BOARD (meaning all the presidents plus me) came up with 4 options on room relocations, and there was NO FINAL DECISION as to how we’d go about it. We decided that WE WOULD MAKE A DECISION some other time because it was past our meeting schedule (it was 9:30 pm, when our meeting was supposed to end at 9pm) and because WE COULDN’T REACH AN AGREEMENT YET. The way I understood it, we made no decision and that “request”/room preference was “dissolved” given the fact that the cluster made no final decision, the cluster agreed that we will make a decision on it next time, and that no president voiced out a room preference that time. I thought it was clear to everyone in the cluster. I cannot tell the CB about an org’s preference given that situation.

3. On the following CB meeting, Clark presented the CB a proposed room relocation layout, which according to him was the optimal layout for everyone. I accepted the proposal that the cluster will take the six adjacent rooms starting from ACMG to Kythe room since again according to him, the layout he made was the optimal layout he could come up with. But, I told him that THE CLUSTER HAS NO FINAL DECISION on the room relocation, and WE ARE YET TO MEET ABOUT IT. I told him NOT TO PUT ORG NAMES ON THOSE SIX ROOMS because again, the cluster hasn’t made a decision yet.

4. After the CB meeting, I sent an email to the presidents saying that the cluster got the six rooms from ACMG to Kythe room BUT WE WILL YET TO DECIDE WHICH ORG WILL OCCUPY WHICH ROOM ON THE NEXT COR MEETING (thinking that there would be one) BECAUSE WE DIDN’T MAKE A DECISION LAST TIME. After a day or a few days after I sent that email, two orgs expressed the fact that they want the same room. In fact, the two presidents sent an email exactly THE SAME DAY saying that they want to occupy a certain room. READ: I didn’t tell the CB about it because it was clear to me that we, as a cluster will make the decision about it. And, it was pretty much clear to the other cluster presidents that both orgs wanted to same room because those emails were sent to the e-group.

5. Apparently a miscommunication arose because on the room relocation layout that was posted, the six rooms for the cluster already bore names as to which org will occupy which room. This is where I personally think that the presidents thought of doing their own “moves” just to get the room they wanted. Someone said he talked to the other person and that person agreed, so changes were made on the layout. Then this other person said that no conversation happened and he made his protest. He gave arguments as to why his org must occupy the room. The person then refuted the arguments given by the other person. Because the school directory has to be finished as soon as possible, a final decision must be made. The CB got the arguments and reasons of both persons and they decided based on the arguments presented. I don’t think I have the right to divulge how the CB came up with the decision, but what I can say is that there was really a fair process/ deliberation even though I admit that there was a rush. I wasn’t part of that decision-making process but I do trust the CB.

I think what is important is the fact that THERE HAD BEEN A PROCESS. Yes, there was a flaw in the system and yes, there was a pressure to make a decision immediately, but it all boils down into the fact that the CB made a decision PURELY BASED ON ARGUMENTS PRESENTED BY BOTH PARTIES.

If there were people who got hurt along the process, especially after the decision was made, I am so sorry that it all had to end up that way…

Like what Jun said, let's just learn with this experience...

=======================

I am not sure if i should post this entry...but i did anyway.. I don't intend to bring back the issue... i just thought that i should at least have my piece of mind.. But now, i am just glad that eveybody has been getting along well again.. :)

Sweet Escape

If I could escape I would but,
First of all, let me say
I must apologize for acting stank & treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
Tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet, I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better, Tell me boy wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)


I want to get away, to our sweet escape
I want to get away, yeah


You held me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out, I need to get me out of this joint
Come on let's bounce, counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around, let's look for some common ground
So baby, times get a little crazy
I've been gettin' a little lazy, waitin' on you to come save me
I can see that you're angry by the way that you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me, wanted you with me


If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Woohoo, Yeehoo
Woohoo, Yeehoo (If I could escape)
Woohoo, yeehoo (If I could escape)
Woohoo, Yeehoo

Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?


If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Woohoo, Yeehoo (I wanna get away, get away)
Woohoo, Yeehoo (To our sweet escape)
Woohoo, Yeehoo (I wanna get away)
Woohoo, Yeehoo (Yeah)
Woohoo, Yeehoo
Woohoo, Yeehoo



===========================

This is something that i really can relate to these past few weeks. :)
Before it was for someone, but now...i guess it's dedicated to no one.

COA! work and all

This coming week will be my last week in my OJT. yay! :) It's not that i am not enjoying but i still have other responsibilities to attend to. There's COA, COA and COA. hahaha These past few weeks, my schedule has been really hectic. After my OJT, i still had to attend meetings in COA and ANI. There have been 2-3 meetings a week in COA. Sometimes, my meetings in COA and ANI have the same schedule so i had to choose one. Every saturday, i am in Ateneo because of another COA meeting or a training (again about COA). Sigh... But don't get me wrong. I love being busy with something that is self-fulfilling. I am really enjoying my COA experience. It seems that the long absence of Jun have been a blessing for me because i got the chance to stretch myself to the limits and be strong and capable for the cluster. I had to be the final decision maker. I had to be the leader and i like that. I like it not because of the power that comes with it. I like it because i also learn new things. I like this new experience. I love being busy with COA work. I like the nerve-wracking feeling about deadlines and other requirements. :) haha. Jun will be back today. At least there will now be two brains instead of one. :)

It has been my plan to end my OJT on Friday so that I can join Gabay Plansem and LSAT training. I hope it's worth it..

A favor

Stop asking me. Please. Just stop dragging my name because it’s not my business. For the longest time, I have been very generous in answering the same questions over and over again. My trips to Ateneo have always been tinted by the same issues and intrigues. People who are not even close to me have asked me just because they can’t stop blabbering. Why don’t you just ask me how my summer has been or how my OJT is doing so that I can say, “hey, I am fine. It’s tiring but quite an experience. :) Hmmm…I am enjoying my experience as part of a company. I have been very busy with COA and ANI too, but it’s ok.:)”. Instead of being asked, “uy, kamusta? Anong reaksyon mo?” Etc etc.

Stop asking me. Please, just stop making all these noises and treating it as a big showbiz scoop because hey, guess what? I am not a celebrity and it is definitely not a scoop. I don’t mind if people talk about it and I don’t care what their opinions are. When I am asked, I always answer. I am not that stingy. But please, draw the line between being curious and being an intruder with my personal life. No matter how many questions you throw me, you’ll never understand. And I hate it that people don’t understand. They never will. Well, I just console myself that they don’t have to anyway.

And can I just say this again? I hate being burdened with all these secrets. I had enough.

PS

Please stop stabbing me at the back. I would really appreciate that.

PPS

Pardon me for the attitude.

Some pictures of my 20th bday!! :)

Sa mga hindi nasabihan, super sorry! biglaan lang talaga...huhuhu.. Sa mga hindi nakasama dahil sa orgs etc, mainggit na lang kayo. joke! hahaha :)

Kasama na rin dito yung trio bonding namin sa Gateway. :)

Visit nyo na lang:
http://ennaoj28.multiply.com

Tapos add nyo rin ako as contact. :)

Sa Timezone.. :)

Videoke. :)

Giant Popocorn (that was destined to be lost.. haha)




mon mon & yumi with their korean pose! :)

charms and b-day girl:)

me with my birthday blog! read my previous entry to visit the site. :)

especially for mon mon, favorite nya eh! haha :)

left overs! :)

crazyyyyyyyyyyy! :)

bestfriends!!! :)

Guess what kung ano ang tina-try naming i-spell? haha :)

My 20th Birthday! :)

I still can’t believe that I now reach the age without the “teen” anymore. (But what the heck, my age can still be called “twenteen” right? *wink*)

I’m 20! :) It wasn’t my birthday anymore but I surely had a blast yesterday!

I had no expectations or whatsoever about my birthday. I never had any plan too! Days before my birthday, people were asking me what my plans were for my day, but I never had any answer. Hahaha :) I really don’t know how to spend my day! All I know is I had to go to Katipunan and see my friends. :)

Since it was my birthday, I didn’t go to my internship. Hahahaha. But of course I told them that I would be absent…I just didn’t tell them it’s my birthday. Hahaha

The weirdest thing that I had to do on my birthday was go to the dentist. Yup, I went to the dentist in the morning! Mon mon accompanied me. Hahaha

Mon mon and I went to school and I saw some of my blockmates (surprisingly, because we don’t have summer class). It was nice seeing friends when you want to see them. :)

Anyway, we had lunch at Yellow Cab. My treat! Hahahaha :) There was me, Yumi, Charms, Mon mon, and Nichael. The others can’t join us because of org responsibilities that time. And besides, it wasn’t really planned.

I love my blockmates!!!!!! I was with my blockmates almost the entire day. :) It was nice seeing them again. :) Those I did not see that day just texted me. :) Jun even texted me eventhough he’s in France! Jun, regalo mo sakin! Dapat sa France mo binili ah. Hahaha

Texts just kept on coming the whole day! :) Thanks to soulmate for I think he was partly to blame for that. :) I was awaken several times in the morning like 3 am and 5 am because of those texts (although I immediately went back to sleep). I finally woke up at around 6 am (I think my body clock is now well adjusted to my office hours 8 am – 5:30). There were 13 messages! Weeeeeeeee! :) Thanks guys for staying up so late or for just remembering me at that moment. Hahaha

So what made my day? My day became super special because of the birthday blog. Thanks mon and charms! :) hahahahahaha I wasn’t expecting anything really…but nonetheless, what a pleasant…no, pleasant is not enough…hmm…what a great, thoughtful, super special, super heartwarming surprise! I love you both! BFF nga! Ahahaha :) Thanks for everyone who tagged! :) Thanks rin kambal for trying to get people to post their messages at the tagboard. :)

(Just click the picture to visit my birthday blog! :)

Mon Mon also made me Mango Float! :) I love Mango! She was really apologetic because according to her, it didn’t look presentable anymore because she made it in Laguna pa. hahaha. I didn’t care! :) It was delicious! :) Thanks sobra..gumawa ka pa talaga. :)

Thanks soulmate for your gifts. :) I love Choco Mousse! :) and thanks for the flower too! It was really cute! :)

Kambal! Hahahahaha. Although I hate frogs, I love your gift! Alam ko may halong pang-aasar yun since alam mo na ayoko talaga ng frogs. But anyway, it was really sweet of you to remember that tiny bit of info. :)

Over-all? I am happy. :)

Thanks! It was a very happy birthday! :)

Pahabol:

I also cut my work today! Hahahaha. We’re going to the mall to watch movie! Birthday part 2! Also, I barely had sleep because of dvds and bonding times here at Charmie’s. :)

I Think God Can Explain

I Think GOD Can Explain

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that
I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you
to look me in the eyes

It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get caried away

It's alright, I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet

The sent of vasoline
in the summertime
The feel of an icecube
Melting overtime
The world seems bigger
Than both of us
Yet it seems so small
when I begin to cry

It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away

It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get over it yet.

I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed

I'ts alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away

It's alright I'm O.K.
I think God can explain
I'm relieved I'm relaxed
I'll get off of your back

I think God can explain
I think God can explain

I think God can explain

I think so too...


==========

"selfless love" coming up next on this blog. :p

another entry

i have been writing here and there - stuffs that i have been wanting to blurt out in my blog but i guess God has a way to stop me from making the wrong decisions and maybe in saying things that i will eventually regret later on...

Yes, i have written and tried to write my anger, frustrations and sadness but everytime i try to access my blog or even write, something always come up that i wasn't able to post them. (As you know, it's my habit to write first in MS word.)
So, many entries are just being kept in my desktop.

I also try to stop myself from doing things (and posting stuffs) that will hurt other people. My blog can be accessed by the public and it's not in my principle to intentionally (and even unintentionally, even though sometimes i do) hurt others.

More so, i realized that the more i write about the pain, the more painful it becomes and it lingers... it can really go to depression you know.. i wouldn't want that.
So i am stopping myself from looking back and even from thinking about it.
When i am with friends, i am strong. i feel that i can face whatever news i get.
But when i am alone, i am still wondering why the same reason still makes me cry.


I heard this song from PBB...and i envy Wendy, really. I think this is the Bruce's song for Wendy.

When She Cries

The road I have traveled on,
Is paved with good intentions.
It's littered with broken dreams,
That never quite came true.
When all of my hopes were dying,
Her love kept me trying.
She does her best to hide,
The pain that she's been through.

When she cries, at night,
And she doesn't think that I can hear her.
She tries, to hide,
All the fear she feels inside.
So I pray, this time,
I can be the man that she deserves.
'Cos I die a little each time,
When she cries.

She's always been there for me,
Whenever I've fallen.
When nobody else believes,
She'll be there by my side.
I don't know how she takes it,
Just once, I'd like to make it,
Then there'll be tears of joy,
That fill her lovin' eyes.

When she cries, at night,
And she doesn't think that I can hear her.
She tries, to hide,
All the fear she feels inside.
So I pray, this time,
I can be the man that she deserves.
'Cos I die a little each time,
When she cries.


So I pray, this time,
I can be the man that she deserves.
'Cos I die a little each time,
When she cries.