Vocation

I was watching the entire season 7 of America’s Next Top Model this afternoon and one question that was most frequently asked was “do you really it (modeling)?” And almost all girls would answer that “yes! This is my life. This is what I want to do.” And somehow I envy these people who at an early age have discovered their calling. That is what they would want to devote all their time and energy. That would make them happy. And I can’t help but reflect on what I would really want in my life. As graduation approaches, people now start asking questions such as “what would you do after college?” and I just wish I have a ready answer…because honestly I do not know. As people would always say (or would just like to think), all of us have their own destiny. We are called to do something in our life. I am not really religious but I do believe in what Fr. Jboy said that vocation is our purpose in for being in the world that is somehow related to God’s purposes. But somehow, I still do not know what my purpose in life is. Somehow, that is a scary feeling. But then again, maybe I should just take my time. I will surely find mine.

…it will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, what you read, what you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude…

Death and commitment

When I was younger and being asked what I think will happen to me in the future, somehow that future was not very clear to me. That was why I actually thought that time that maybe I would not live that long… But guess what? I’m living for more than 20 years now. I’m so full of life, ready to take on anything that comes my way. I have a future. I know I do.

Last Friday, we had our theology class at Loyola School of Theology. That time we were about to meet a very important person in father Jboy’s life. It was father Hontiveros, a Jesuit priest too. But there’s just this little twist in the story. Fr. Honti was lying there inside his coffin.

Father Jboy brought us to the exhibit of Fr. Honti and later on at his wake to teach us a very important lesson in life. It was about commitment. Father Jboy said that through our lives we would always making commitments. But somehow, in our life we have to reach a point when we choose where at what to devote our whole lives into. That would be our true (life) commitment. It is something that we drive us to our goals. It is something that would determine what is right and wrong to us, what direction to take, what to do and when to do it. Father Hontiveros found his life commitment. He became a priest. He composed songs to spread the Word of God. He was instrumental in F. Jboy’s life. He became a priest partly because of Fr. Honti. And somehow I really felt the pain of Fr. Jboy. Losing someone so dear, losing a mentor, a friend is just heartbreaking. But what I would never forget about the whole experience was the whole topic of commitment. Somehow we just neglect the commitments we made ourselves. And in the process, we not only lose ourselves but we also lose the people who had faith in us.

In the topic of commitment, I can’t say I already found that one commitment where I would center my life into. But in terms of the different commitments I made but failed miserably, I would like to think I learned from all of it.

The biggest commitment I made this year was becoming part of the COA Central Board. I may not have passed with flying colors, but I would like to think that at least I tried. There were times when I got lost and I failed so damn hard. And I am sorry about all those times. I really am. But I would like to think I also had my positive contribution to COA this year, especially to SBC. If I were to choose what I would want people to remember me by (as their SBC sec-treas), was the fact that I tried to reach out to people, to other EB members, to be close to presidents..the one person who treated the MVP 214-219 as her home (because it is). Now that I am close to handing my position to someone else, I hope he will do better than I do/did. I just wanted all the best for it. Maika knows that. And it was worth the tears. It really is. My college life is more of an org life than an acad life. And COA, SPEED, Gabay at Kythe has a lot to do with it. What I would promise myself is that I will not stop being of service to other people even after I graduate. I would also see once in a while how SBC and COA are doing. But for the remaining months of my stay in Ateneo, I would just savor every moment. I don’t believe that all things have to come to end…there are just those things that are worth staying and living for… Death? Hmm..it will come but not anytime soon. Hahaha

feelings

"how do you feel about it?"

hmm...i don't know. i don't want to think about it.



True. Because expectations will eventually hurt you.

????

hmm..i don't know what to do with you anymore....

definitely not a Tatoo..

No matter what you say about love,
I keep coming back for more,
Keep my hand in the fire,
sooner or later I get what I'm asking for
no matter what you say about life,
I learn every time I bleed the truth is a
stranger soul is in danger
I gotta let my spirit be free to..
admit that I'm wrong and then change my mind
sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothing's broken
No need to worry bout everything I done
live every second like it was my last one
don't look back got a new direction.....

maybe it was just an obsession..

a frustration...
a feeling of being left behind...
laglagan...
panloloko..
pambobola...

the problem was just that i bought it.
pity me.
but not anymore.
it's just not worth it.
chance-less...

*you said it was forever... i hope you win her back...
or if not...i hope you'll still be happy... i know it will still be a happy ending...

Happy new year to me!

This week is definitely one of those hell weeks and yet I was all smiling, active, hyper. Hmm… why?

Maybe it’s because of the chocolates that I have been eating the whole week …

Or maybe not? ;p

I love going to school! :)

please help me

how can i put tagboard on this one? :)

waiting

Wait for You

So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life


I guess my long wait is over...(hopefully).

changes

If I am going to compare my “life” now that I am 4th year, things are so different from the first three years of my life in Ateneo. I was in Gabay for three years. Every day for three years, I would head straight to GR (Gabay Room) before and after classes. I would chit chat with people…just plain tambay kahit nag-aaksaya lang ng oras. I was enjoying my time there. I was also with ANI (alay ni Ignacio) for three years. In was really active during my first summer in ANI…maybe that’s why I became part of the core group the following year. Since then I was attending meetings and GAs, doing projects, evsems, plansems, prep for the journeys etc… I was really enjoying my time teaching students. There’s just so much love in ANI…it’s overwhelming, and I like it.

I never thought things would change completely…

The orgs that I am really active now are SPEED and Kythe…especially SPEED… I love SPEED. :) I enjoy all the activities. I enjoy being with the Speple… I love them :). I also like Kythers. It’s also fun there. Then there’s also COA.. I enjoy being part of the central board… There’s so many things that I am learning on my last year in college… But all of this would have to end soon.. And I’m not yet ready for graduation.. :p

Sabihin

Sabihin
by Zelle

Bakit wala ka pa?
Kasama ka'y parang nag-iisa
Pangakong magmamahal
Aalis ka rin pala

Sabihin mo na
Kung babalik ka pa
Para di na maghintay
Sabihin mo na
Kung aayaw ka na
Para lang malaman ko
Naririnig mo ba ako?
Sigaw ko ba'y walang tinig?
Nakayong walang imik
Naririnig naman ako

thoughts

There's just this one person i can't get over my head... and i hate it..


you should have said that you're leaving real soon...