super hell week

Jo is super stressed with acads when: she cries / wants to cry because of it...

Well, i just did today..

Para sa akin

Para Sa Akin
Sitti

Kung ika’y magiging akin
Di ka na muling luluha pa
Pangakong di ka lolokohin
Ng puso kong nagmamahal

Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako’y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman

Di kita pipilitin
Sundin mo pang iyong damdamin
Hayaan nalang tumibok ang puso mo
Para sa akin

Kung ako ay mamalasin
At mayron ka nang ibang mahal
Ngunit patuloy ang aking pagibig
Magpakailanman

Kung ako ay papalarin
Na ako’y iyong mahal na rin
Pangakong ikaw lang ang iibigin
Magpakailanman

Para sa akin

*I like Sitti.. hahaha.. :)

september

September is definitely a hell month for me. My head hurts whenever I take a glance at my planner. Seeing my hectic schedule for this month, I can’t help but tell myself that I am really one hell of a crammer. Would you believe that we just had to change our business project for LS??!! And to think that September 29 is the panel presentation for that. Tsss.. I think our group is definitely eager to accomplish that but our problem is: where and how do we start??!! I am becoming nervous about this class. Not only because of our new teacher but because it seems that our class is being left behind by the other LS classes. They already had LTs and WACs but we have none yet. And our class actually changed our grading system. 55% of our grade will now be for that damn project. Argh..

Aside from LS project, of course there’s also Th 141 project, Eco 177 project, His166 project, Pos100 reporting, Ph 103 paper, Th141 paper plus all the other long tests and graded recitations in all my subjects. Sigh…

Oz in his Speederman costume during recweek

What keeps me going to school is really the extra-curricular activities e.g. ORGS. I am really enjoying my time being involved in COA, SPEED, Kythe, Gabay and MecO. What really surprises me is the fact that of all the orgs that I joined this year, I would most be active in SPEED. In the first place, I wasn’t really planning to join SPEED this year, thinking that I already have so many orgs. But Charms was just too hard to disappoint so I signed up during recweek. Since then, I have been active in SPEED; I joined SPbb, Sparty and went to the area most of the time. I also spend most of my time in Speed Room. On the other hand, I can’t blame my Gabay friends if nagtatampo sila sa’kin… Sigh… But it’s hard to explain to them though…

Right now, I am definitely enjoying my time being a speple. I kinda wonder why it took me this long to join??!!

Faces

Sometimes when we interact with people, what we wanted for them to see is only our side that is happy, carefree, contented etc. But little do people know that there is a big side of us aching, crying and frustrated…

After a long time these two faces of mine, the happy smiling cartoon and the happy real picture of me actually agree in one thing: despite all the academic requirements, I am definitely happy.

I guess I should be. :)

*Some people are fond of calling me “ENNA” or sometimes “ENNAOJ” because of my email ad:enna_oj28. (But that’s not the point.)

prevention is better than cure

Because baby I will wait for you… Cause I don’t know what else I can do…

A friend said that such statement is a thing of the past…it’s not “in” anymore. What’s “uso”, according to her is “yung mabilisan”. I can’t totally agree with her because sometimes there is nothing you can do but just wait.

But what if there is nothing to hope for? What can you do?

I think people who spend their time waiting are those people who have at least a strand to hold on to. If there is no reason to hope, there is definitely no reason to wait.

However, sometimes giving up is the best option you can turn to even though not all else fail. Maybe you can call it cowardice. But hey, when it seems that the whole universe is conspiring against what you wanted, you can’t help but think twice if what you’re doing makes sense. I believe the human brain (or reason?) is one of the best defenses (if not the best) against (further) heartaches. I guess we should just use it more. Right?

about friends..

I know that I am not the most wonderful friend in the world. But lately, I feel that I am getting worse and worse… I have been receiving texts from old friends who were (hopefully still are) really close to me. And because I am not really loading up my phone with credits, I haven’t had a chance of replying or just letting them know that I remember them.

One case would be a friend named Lenny. For my blockmates this name might be familiar because she was the girl whom I was talking to during my Sun cellular days. (Don’t get me wrong. We are not “lovers” or anything. It just so happened that we were really close that time and she was one of the few people who also had Sun that time. She is also part of my High school barkada.) Lately, I have been a lot of quotes from her and then finally one day she texted me, “Jo, Hi! La lang, hehe.” And I really felt guilty because I couldn’t reply. And I can also feel her effort to reach out and somehow open the line of communication.

But sometimes I don’t know how to make two worlds meet. My world in Ateneo is far from my High school world and far from the life we got used to. Our world in High school was much simpler. We just hang out in a friend’s house and just make “chismis” all through the day. I can’t say that I don’t miss that life because I do. I really do. I miss my High school friends because when I am with them I can forget about anything. I can run away from reality and just be in a moment of bliss.

Second case would be another set of friends whom I haven’t been with these past months. ….

i don’t want to elaborate further….

*sorry, just thought it is not appropriate for them to read this instead of me telling them personally….

blue rose

Friend: “sinong bibigyan mo ng blue rose sa blue roast?”

Me: “anong blue rose”

Friend: “bibigyan mo yung pinaka naging special sa’yo nung college. “

<>

Me: “eh di ‘to. (pointing to a person)

Friend: “nye. Eh magbibigayan lang yung dalawang yan eh.”

Me: “oo nga nu.”

Me saying to myself: oo nga noh. Sh**. Sino nga ba?! Hmp. Sana may magbigay sakin. :)

untitled

I'm back to pretending… Yes I am. And it's not because I want to. But because I have to. I am really the type who can't control what I say. Some label me as frank. Some just say I am being honest. Usually the thoughts just keep coming and I can't stop my mouth from blabbing. But because of that incident last March, I just have to keep my mouth shut whenever I am in that group of people.

Knowledge can give someone power. Yes, it can even give you that bragging right. It can be you know and they don't or you know it but they don't know you do.

Sometimes I just want to let it out... destroy all masks so that for once we'll just be ourselves and not what others want us to be. I want questions to be answered.

But who am I to force you? I won't…really. Someone asked me, "For how long would you keep it and not tell them that you know?" I just said, "forever".

For now, just stop talking about me (or even in front of me)… you won't like it if I start talking.

Don't worry, your secrets are still safe...