vacation?

It’s vacation now. I still can’t believe that my third year in Ateneo is over. I really wanted to make a list of interesting things happened in my junior year; maybe a list of things I’ve learned or teachers that sucked big time or block bonding or Bratz bonding or a list of things I did for the first time (like Dex did) or a to-do list in summer or memorable things (like Cel did) but I can’t think of that right now. My mind is too busy trying to forget or even trying to look back. My head doesn’t even want to look ahead of what would happen in the future.

I am just afraid of looking back to the past and see that everything that I have known, everything I’ve believed in was all a LIE. I am afraid of looking back and see those faces stare at me as if nothing’s wrong. I hate to see the past and its pretensions. I hate to reminisce yesterday and say, “Ah, that’s why”. I hate to say that now every thing is becoming crystal clear. I hate to say that I was wrong. I hate to have regrets.

I just don’t want to take every bit of the truth at the same time. In fact, I can’t. I would be insane. I would be insane if I even try to take all in at the same time. So I am taking my time… Right now I can’t say that I have accepted everything because I can’t. Sometimes it is better to pretend as if everything is okay, as if everything is perfectly normal, that you don’t know that truth. So let me pretend… As I do, do not judge me. I am doing this for the best… I am just waiting for you.

And yes, the truth hurts...definitely. Sometimes it is even unbearable.